Dodge Chrysler Jeep: What's Going On?

Carvana's Buying Up CDJR Dealerships? What's the Real Scam?

Carvana buying up Chrysler-Dodge-Jeep-Ram dealerships? Seriously? Are we supposed to believe this is about "delivering exceptional customer experiences"? Give me a break. This smells worse than a used ashtray in a '98 Dodge Caravan.

First, let's remember Carvana. The company that couldn't handle paperwork, lost its license in Michigan, and basically became a meme for overvalued used cars. Now they're suddenly experts in customer service? I don't buy it.

They're calling it "a small test in a single market." Okay, fine. One dealership? Maybe. But now they've got two? One in Arizona, now one in Texas? Something's up. What, they couldn't find a Landers Dodge Chrysler Jeep Ram to buy? What about San Antonio Dodge Chrysler Jeep Ram? Seems like they're being pretty picky.

The Paperwork Problem, Revisited

Remember all those legal troubles they had? All those delayed registrations and payments? You'd think they'd be focusing on fixing their core business, not expanding into new car sales. But no, let's just throw more money at the problem by buying brick-and-mortar stores. Makes perfect sense... if you're trying to hide something.

Carvana struggled with paperwork bottlenecks during its COVID highs, getting the company in trouble in multiple U.S. jurisdictions after customer registrations began to lapse before their title paperwork had been processed. Carvana lost its dealer license in Michigan over the fiasco, and had to settle a lawsuit in Connecticut over delayed registrations and payments to sellers.

And now they want to sell new cars? With all the complexities of manufacturer incentives, financing, and warranties? This is a bad idea. No, 'bad' doesn't cover it—this is a five-alarm dumpster fire.

Stellantis: The Key to the Conspiracy?

Both dealerships they bought are Stellantis dealers. Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep, Ram... and Fiat, because let's be real, Fiat still exists, clinging on for dear life. Is Stellantis desperate to offload these dealerships? Are they giving Carvana some kind of sweetheart deal? What's the angle here?

I'm not saying there's a conspiracy... but there's a conspiracy. I can feel it in my bones. It's like when you see Crumbl Cookies opening up on every corner – you know something's gotta be subsidizing that sugar rush.

And it's not like Stellantis is killing it right now. Remember when that GM, Nino Sita, at Lindsay Dodge Chrysler Jeep Ram, was bragging about his 196% increase in new car sales? That's great for him, but what about the other dealers? Are they all struggling? How GM Nino Sita turned Lindsay Dodge Chrysler Jeep Ram into a CPO powerhouse

Sita credits his success to a "one-team philosophy" and prioritizing used car sales. Weekly cross-departmental meetings, complete transparency... it all sounds like corporate buzzword bingo to me. He even does a "cash blast" for the parts and service advisors. What is this, a used car dealership or a damn casino?

Carvana's End Game

Carvana says it wants to "focus on delivering exceptional customer experiences." But let's be real, Carvana's never been about customer service. It's been about disrupting the traditional dealership model, cutting out the middleman, and selling cars online. But maybe that model is failing. Maybe they need a physical presence to survive.

Maybe those "legal roadblocks to online-only sales" are starting to pile up. Maybe they're realizing that people actually want to see and touch a car before they drop 30 grand on it. Offcourse, that's just speculation.

Or maybe—and this is my darkest, most cynical thought—maybe they're just trying to pump up their valuation before they pull the ultimate rug pull. Buy some dealerships, generate some buzz, and then cash out before the whole thing collapses.

Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe Carvana really does want to become the next great automotive retailer. Maybe they've learned from their past mistakes and are ready to revolutionize the car-buying experience. But I doubt it.

This Smells Like a Bailout in Disguise